EAST TEXAS HOG DOGGERS FORUM

Just remindin' myself so as I don't forget HAHA!  ;D

What channel?

channel "ETHD" if you dont have internet then your S.O.L

ill tune in noah  ;) ;D

thats right you promised! better be good for all this build up ;D

Too much build up just to hear an old story about me gettin' my ass kicked HAHA  ;D    ... always wonder why, whenever a big group of my friends get together... never fails, THIS is the damn story they want to hear again lol... sadistic baystards....  rolleyes ;D


So.   Started off as a "birthday outing" for my wife, April... a group of us were gonna meet up in town at her favorite sushi restaraunt for dinner.... as goes....  ;D  I got a few Sapporo's in me and managed to talk the wife into goin' "dancin'" after dinner at a well known club in the area... Some of her rowdy friends happened to be out on the town that night(Lee wussed out and went home  ;D), so we all met up at the estabishment... paid our cover, and ordered some more drinks...  ;D   .... strangely enough, the place was ABSOLUTELY PACKED this night... and this was a BIG place... as I eased into the crowd, I remember thinking to myself "somethin' fun is gonna happen tonight"  ;D

Proceed

Beer run, sorry  ;D

Chapter 2: Pre-history...

     So, at this point in my life, my wife and I had not really been goin' out on the town that much for maybe the last year... (that's a WHOLE nother' story  ;):o ;D)  ... so, the "going's on" of the local hot spots was, at best, a distant memory of what "was" lol....  This particular place we were at was primarily a big pressure cooker of a club... three sides... one side a country bar...  the other side the complete opposite....  ;) ;D  .... and in the middle?   Why, a boxing ring of course  ;D

I had been to this bar many times over the years, had some good times there... was a well known place for it's "patron boxing" which I had engaged in for "fun" in the past HAHA...   

... this night was already seeming to be a good bit more "electric" than our past adventures however, and, for the life of me... I could not figure out why....

... as I made my "customary" solo "walk around the club" to survey the "sitiation"  ;D(am I the only one that does this?  ;D) .... I noticed the "sign up station" for the "patron boxing".... and so, OF COURSE, I said "why not" and went to write my name down... on a list with NO names...(comin' on 11pm at this point...)

... the women sitting behind the table seemed to be suprised when I mosied up and asked to sign up for a fight... they actually tried to warn me now that I look back on it HAHA... I remember her asking me "have you been drinking?"... to which I says, "yes, a couple beers"....  rolleyes ;D   .... she stared at me for a couple long seconds and said, "I'm sorry, but you can't fight tonight."   ..... SAY WHAT???   I objected, plead my case, and.... quite reluctantly, she took my name and said "when they call for the fighter's meeting, go to the back to sign the necessary waivers and hear the fight rules... and go drink some water...".     ... this last comment almost made me question the entirety of the situation... but I shrugged it off and went to get another beer  ;D

OK.  ;D  (I was still 100% oblivious at this point to what I had just gotten myself into...)

whats

wrong with

finishing a

story on

one post?

 ;)

Chapter 3:  WTF....

      So... main event time... I WAS PUMPED!!!  ;D... my adrenaline was kickin' in good... I was lookin' around at everybody in the bar sayin' to myself... "I can whoop anybody in here tonight!!!"  rolleyes ;D  ... about that time, over the loud speaker, the announcer called out for "any contestants signed up for the boxing tournament tonight, please make your way to the rear of the building for paperwork and fight rules"...
.... Man, I handed my beer to my wife, got a kiss, hopped up and started to "strut" through the crowd, all the while looking across the whole bar for "my fellow patrons" that should also be making their way to the back... but, there were none..... strangely...  :-\     ... for a good while I actually thought I might be going to the "wrong" rear of the building.... all the way to that door, I was the ONLY person to make a move to go to the pre-fight meeting... man I shoulda known better HAHA  rolleyes ;D

... as I pushed through the doors I was greeted by the blank stare of about 30 men, dressed in silk boxing shorts, laced boxing shoes, taped hands, flat noses, cauliflower ears.... the silence was absolutely deafening... my gut told me to turn the f#ck around, say "I was just looking for the pisser", go take a seat by my friends and drink my beer....

BUT.... that old foe named "pride" had other ideas lol....  rolleyes ;D    ... the fight manager asked me how much I weighed, at which point, I was all in... like it or not HAHA... in my wranglers and cowboy hat no less  ;D

... I had a seat while the manager said some things about purse money, $200 PER FIGHT, put on a good show.... blah, blah, blah... the whole while, these sombitches were sizing me up.... obviously confused why a "boxer" would come to a money fight in blue-jeans and a cowboy hat... man, I must say, it gave me the initial psychological advantage HAHAHA....  ;D   ... little did they know, I was about as far from a boxer as one could get at that time... I may have looked the part, but I damn sure wasn't prepared to box with a trained boxer... but, WHAT THE HELL... "I can take a whippin' ".... that's what I told myself anyways...  ;D

Wait till y'all hear Noah's story....  "One time at band camp"   >:D

Chapter 4:  Go time...

     They matched me up with the heaviest boxer in the bunch, I was about 190... him maybe 200.   His "stage name" (oh God... he has a stage name.... this can't be good...  :-\ ;D) was "Mr. Olympia".   The manager told us we would be fighting and, of course, I smiled and made my way over to shake hands with the man... who abruptly turned his back to me and started hitting the heavy bag.... son of a bitch.....   I suddenly realized these boys were here to make money, and I was in(as usual) WAY  over my head HAHAHA....  ;D

... as I listened to the first couple fights from that backroom, I remember the crowd "roaring" at the point each man was knocked down...  at this point, the attendants came to me and asked me where my "equipment" was.... my blank stare obviously communicated to them to go and retrieve the "sucker" gear from the janitor's closet lol... these sombitches brought me this set of f%cking VELCRO WALMART boxing gloves... Literally, TWICE as big as anyone elses gloves.... "you have GOT to be joking...." .... they were not.... these gloves were like duct-taping a frickin' pillow over your fist and tryin' ta knock a bitch out.... it JUST AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. 

... again, that little voice inside my head said "RUN YOU DUMB SON OF A BITCH!!!! RUN!!!!!".... but... GOOD OLD PRIDE had other ideas.... "you can do this"  ;D

... velcro, "velcro'd" up "tight"  rolleyes ;D... they drug the loser's limp body out of the ring and called in "Mr. Olympia vs........... Noah."    ..... here we go...  ;D

Hurry up ! You know some us have to work for a living !  ;D

no number 2 noah , Ive took a  good one before , lets here it

He's been typing for 30 minutes. ;D

I think he's makin to many beer runs to finish this one tonight

Chapter 5:  Ding Ding

      So... I make my way to the ring, slide in... hop up... and manage to give my wife and friends a wink(they were in complete shock at this point... which actually made me laugh a little HAHA  ;D)...  just as the lights dim... cue music, fog, lasers.... yeah... the announcer goes "noah vs. MR OLYIMPIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ..... "touch gloves, and knock each other's heads off..."  :o ;D

... we eased towards each other to the center of the ring... He, wisely, meant to "feel me out" as my stature and "attire" surely had him a bit confused lol...  ;D    I, sheepishly, reached out with a couple limp left jabs(I don't jab well BTW  ;D).... and man, this sucker jumped back like he was expecting a bomb.... SO I GAVE HIM ONE!!!!  ;) ;D

Disclaimer:  As a side note, I was COMPLETELY untrained in the skills of formal boxing at this point.... what I WAS good at, was brawling however...

.... so... once I saw him back up, I went in for the kill... I, basically, shoved him all the way to the corner... at which point I let loose with all I had.     When he tried to get out, I shoved him back in and kept pounding...  I hit him so hard, even through the pillow gloves, I could feel my knuckles bruising and feared I might break my hand again.   

... all the while, he just took it.  :o

... I worked on his ribs, then I worked on his head... but he just kept covered up and took it.... the crowd was going f$cking wild at this point...  ;D 

... I remember him occasionally "peaking" from between his gloves occasionally to look at me.... I also remember saying to myself... "the next time he opens his gloves to peak at me, I'm gonna uppercut his ass right out of the ring...."

... at that moment, his guard parted... I saw him look at me from between.... as I wound up for that "almighty kill shot" ....


DING!!!!!!


That son of a bitch hit me so hard, so fast on the left side of my face....   it INSTANTLY knocked BOTH contact lenses out of my eyes(never box with contacts  ;) :D)... that hit also, INSTANTLY closed my left eye and left me seeing stars.... I knew well this feeling and it was not good  ;D

... the "tha-thump-tha-thump-tha-thump" sound I heard at this point was his gloves on my face lol.... he beat my ass from one corner all the way to the other before I finally managed to grab aholt of his ass to stop the malay!!!  ;D

.... ref broke us apart and we came out swinging... but I could not see a thing at this point as he'd closed my other eye HAHA(crazy how fast an eye can close  ;D)....

... We brawled for another minute before he landed that same big right and I heard the birdies chirpin' I got to tell ya HAHAHA  ;D   Ref saw me wobbling and broke us up as I "felt" my way back to my friends...

Without gloves... woulda been a different story.... but that was the day I finally realized that boxing is a skill that one cannot "wing".... no matter how tough you think you are  ;) ;D

Lol, great story noah......well written, had me laughin from start to finish


"the sun is shining somewhere in texas" -Jason Boland

HAHAHA, thanks, like I said... this story is always a crowd pleaser.... all my friends love to hear the story of when I finally got my ass kicked.... over, and over, and over again HAHA...  first and last time(so far  ;D)

god dang.... all night to say one night i entered a tuff guy deal and got my a$$ whooped. :-\ ;D pretty good read though

Haha Noah your right about i being an art.. ive got a boxing story from the academy thats real similar...lol

Great story Noah!

HAHA!  Funny chit.  Thanks for the story.

 Noah I love reading your stories. Mostly because they crack me up. But also because they bring up memories from my past.

 Keep'em coming!

Thats a good one there buddy! Tell em, you can't rush greatness! ;D lol!

dont you play here noah i gotta work in a hour

Haha another good read Noah!!

So when's the next story time? lol

Very nice and fresh story!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

great story noah, gotta share a good story of when i was on parris island confronting my ex brother in law for puttin his hands on my sister and got "dragged" off the island.  rolleyes

Like always, another great  NOAH story. Did Mr OLYMPIAAAAAAA say anything to ya after the fight? .