EAST TEXAS HOG DOGGERS FORUM

I know this topic is a little off base but how many of you would think it was ok for a grown man to abuse his wife? To call his step children names? To talk about his step kids dad who past away when they were just 10 and 7. How any of you would find this behavior ok? How many of you would think it was ok to a bully your step kids and to threaten to hurt the step kids? To destroy the kids stuff, the house? I am just curious what real men think about a piece of crap of a man!

it is a vicious cycle that tends to repeat itself and needs to be broken...it has to stop...either get help or get your kids and yourself out of the situation...

a person can't be helped if they don't want to be helped or if they won't admit they have a problem...

I can't stand a man who does this. Women are getting just as bad now if not worse at times. I've told my nephews and own son if I ever so much as hear of them hitting or abusing a woman they better leave the county as when I find them it will not be pretty.

When I wrote this it was a generalization...not meaning you but whomever is in a situation as this...

I tend to be more of a root cause fix kind of person...I develop my opinions and theories based on what I have lived, seen or learned from readings and whatnots...my favorite subjects are dogs and hunting, psychology and natural cures/medicines...so I have plenty to say about this subject...

IMO, sometimes a woman is attracted to a man for different reasons and one is because in her subconscious mind she is comfortable with him and vice versa for the man...so after a while the tendencies come out good and bad...sometimes they are beyond tolerable...

raising kids can be very stressful for many reasons...especially in blended families where there are step children and parents involved...our system is set to put a lot of emphasis on learning math and other subjects but none on how to raise a family...but I reckon it creates quite a bit of big business by having a high percentage of dysfunctional families...the judicial system profits...the prosecuting/defense lawyers including divorce lawyers are making a killing to include law enforcement because of it etc...etc...not only that but lots of kids from this upbringing won't get a decent education...so this ensures we will have laborers to do our dirty work...

so it is hard enough for biological parents in raising the kids...so it is way more challenging in raising step children especially if they already come from a dysfunctional past...but there is no excuse in not treating the step children fairly and right...

the parents also can come into the relationship with their own personal issues as well...so this concoction is definitely a recipe for many challenges as well...getting the right professional help can only make things better...

S_J_Kennels is right...there is never a good enough reason to abuse a woman, and I will add kid or anyone for that matter...even if the man was beaten and humiliated as a kid by his mom or dad...it is not an excuse to be abusive because of it...lots of times a man might want to change and can try hard to do so but usually can not do it alone without the proper help whether it is long term therapy or even jail time...

I like to say that God created Grandparents to help the grandkids where we failed our children...and give helpful advice to our children as well...I will only give helpful advice to help our kids whether it is marriage or whatever...and I also try to give them pointers on how to build a better foundation for their children...my grandchildren...

I sure as heck am not perfect...but my goal is to always continue in that direction...

once a man that used to be active on this site whom was getting close to retirement wrote this on here... "I am starting to like the man I have become"...hopefully we as men and women can say that as we age...this world would be a better place if we could learn this before getting married and/or having children...

 

Raising step kids is a difficult situation, can be very rewarding, but you are the stepdad, kids may love you more than their real dad, may not, but a man has to adapt to the situation  . Also the dynamic of being married to a woman with children not sired by u can be a complication between u and your wife. No man has a reason to abuse children as Mrs La described or a woman.  But the wife needs to get them kids outta that situation real quick and in a hurry. For their sake and hers. And don't forget, those kids are learning behaviors, behaviors that ain't gonna be good for the boys as they grow up and get married or the girls who , as stated, may find themselves married to the same type of "man" bad situation for all involved, it sounds like ,Mrs. La,, I hope she is getting some help

i may not fit into the "most" children category, may consider myself one of the lucky ones. my dad raised me from the age of around 2, never knew my mom, last time i spoke with her (until i was around 23-24) i think i was 5 or 6. my step mom was the only "MOM" i knew, who treated me as her own and disciplined me as 1 of her own, even though it wasn't till i was 16 when she became my legal by marriage step mom, even between the yrs she was married to someone else and when he passed away and my dad and her got back together again. i grew up 3/4" plywood thickness from dirt floor poor, lived off the land, my dad working what he could find to pay the land note and utilities, and put a few stitches of clothing on my back. looking back on that, and not ever wanting to go back to that, i have taken it upon myself to better myself, even though college aint my thing, I'm using my college money (go bill) to learn a new tradecraft, so i don't have to wrench on aircraft till I'm 65, instead, be the stick wiggler and break them instead.

i grew up with tough love as my dad called, but in todays society, it would be considered child abuse and my dad would be under the jail, not just in it. yea yea, so i was put through a wall several times, woke up from an unconscious state several times, went to school, barely able to sit down bc of the whelps on my thighs and butt, but looking back, if my mouth would have stayed closed, my ears opens and my attitude, more of young child, i would have received less redirection from his foot. in fact, if i would received more of them, i might have turned out 10X better than i am now.

what people call abuse nowadays, was standard attitude adjustments many years ago. verbal abuse can and in some instances, be worse than physical abuse, but who determines the extent of what is considered abuse? in the military, drill instructors would call a recruit everything int he book, and make a few more just for good measures, and if need be, a lil "wall to wall" counseling might be in order. look at what that produced for soldiers, men who knew what discipline was, and didn't take crap off anybody and got the job done without being told more than once. nowadays soldiers are in charge of the units, not the sergant and officers, because the chain of command's hands have been tied by congress and the joes run amuck, same thing i see in the civilian sector, a bunch of hoodlums running wild, because society deems sparing the rod doesn't spoil the child, coddling and pampering makes a better and more disciplined man nowadays.

when i came to work here in the nw, so many times i got asked where i learned my respectfulness and discipline, and i would explain how i grew up and some would say that my dad should have been turned in to child services. i would respond back, "would you rather hear yes mam/sir, no mam/sir and have the task done right the first time, not having to be told more than once, or going back and redoing it over and over till it is done right", they would walk away scratching their heads and come back later and admit that for a work force, such as the field I'm in, needs more folks like me, not the kind that running around outside of the hanger. in aviation, seldom do pilots/mech get a sec chance at life if the aircraft crashes due to piss poor, shady or lazy maintenance practices and techniques. i woe all that to my dad, who at times back then, possibly went to far with his foot, but in 13yrs, not a single acft has went down or workmanship failed because of that. 

now, for abusing women, no it shouldn't happen, but women should be held to the same standards as a man since they want to be treated like a man in todays society. they want equal rights, but only have to put out have the workload. where is that equal? where is it ok for to be abused by a woman, verbally or physically and have to sit back and take it because if equality is whats wanted and granted to them, then so should the backfire from their actions. a woman pushes a man's buttons and keeps pushing, but its ok, but turn the table, and the man usually ends up with a hand print across the face. where is that equality? if a woman is man enough to him a man, they are man enough to receive the same serving.

now, for husband/man to come home, or wife/woman to come home from work and start getting abused, NO, no call for it, and should NOT be tolerated, from either sex. we ALL have our bad days/moments, and yes we ALL lash out at times, but restraint is needed by both sexes to prevent abuse from either sex. but lets look at 150yrs ago, woman stayed home, did the house tending and man was the bread winner. nowadays, sometimes it takes both to keep the household going, but things were a lot simpler back then. the equal rights movement open a whole new door in inequality for the men. men do 2x the work load, and get the same as a woman who does half. where is the equality? women are more skilled in some areas of the workforce than men are, but who did those jobs before? men. was as effective? it must have, since for 1000s of years the world population grew, technology developed and or improved. all with men running the world. the men have loosened the reins and handed them over to the women, and the world in whole in the past 75-85yrs has taken a turn for the worse.

we all have our opinions, and I'm sure I'm gonna get some backlash from this, but I'm taking some of my views directly from the bible, other views, i have seen/experienced over the years and reading and watching the history of the world and civilizations. 

I am with a woman who has 3 kids. 2 girls ages 15 and 13 and a boy aka my road dog Bailey aka "beetle" as I call him. Lol...I have been with this woman for 6 years. I'm 27 and sshe's 38. The kids all know and love there daddy and I'm glad of it and would never try to take his place. . We don't see eye to eye on alot of things but all in all he's an okay guy. I love all 3 of these kids as they were my own. (I don't have children) I am a firm believer in an @$$ whooping and some strong verbal correction. Now I will say this . There is a difference between abuse and getting that hind end tore up. All these years I have only gave one of the kids a "whooping" . I caught her smoking with some older boys and they all heard what I though and wwhat would happen if they didn't ease on down the road. That was going to be the end of it until the m f-er you aain't my daddy and you don't tell me what I can and can't do came from that 14 year Olds mouth. She got a good one. I made her call her dad and tell him about it. He said you'll be lucky if it don't happen again when you get home.  Now. As far as abusing the kids and abusing the women. That won't fly around here.  No way no how. And I would never bad talk there dad to them. The only thing close to that I've ever done is when they threaten to call him when we don't agree, I say call him. Your in my house. Your daddy and me don'tdo things the same. And if yo want to call the law then call them as well. NNothing I do is illegal.  Anyway. Child abuse and woman beating don't fly in my book. Simple as that. Big difference between abuse and correction though. And I honestly hope that your just asking a question and not involved in that type of situation. If you are then like someone else said get yourself and your childrenaway from it .  Sorry I rambled on in your post. I get a little type happy. Good luck to you !

I say find a tall tree and a short rope! I don't tolerate that crap!

Get out of the situation. If you need help , be it money or help packing let me know. No one deserves that. Put the kids well being first.

First off you have to know how to act right before you can do so. A lot of people just where never taught how to act in a proper manner and some are just but heads. Every situation is different but most put up with what they think is normal or what they think won't get wors by all means get help or help the person needing help. To many of us say if I would have just .....

http://www.easttexashogdoggers.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=7633

      I plenty of people in your area if you need any help , legal or back power.

Charles...I am partially replying to your last post and also to the many posts you have written on this site...at the beginning you alarmed me to your radical views and thought that you were a very bad person...LOL...but as I got to know more about you I totally changed my mind and I think you are a great person...I also believe you wear a shield that you acquired somewhere along the way as a survival tool...you choose to look at the glass as 1/2 full and not as half empty...many folks would have been very angry with the upbringing you had but you used it as a positive in your life which is probably a good thing...you probably take your pills due to your upbringing and maybe other reasons as well...but as I already mentioned...somehow you have used it to motivate you to excel like you have been doing...I also know you are a pretty smart feller by what you have posted in the past...  :)

Awwwe...haha. Just kiddin. It does take a strong minded person to turn the negative into a positive. Keep on rockin Mr helicopter man !!!

actually i stopped taking my pills because they make me lightheaded and dizzy if i go from a laying or sitting position, to a standing.
yes, i come off strong so to speak, but thats the way i was raised, speak your mind, even if it offends at first, if they have any sense at all, they can digest the info and actually put it into words they can understand. i don't have a filter on my mouth, which has proved painful at times growing up and in the workforce, but again, i speak my peace, i say whats on my mind. yes, i am a pessimist, and learned that, if a person always look at the positive in any or everything, and sees more negatives than positives, then the person will lean towards the negative side of life. but yet a person who looks at the negatives constantly and sees the positives, it provides a glimmer of light/hope in life, instead of the glimmer gloom the constant optimist sees.

To the OP:
Do everything you can to leave. If not for yourself,  for your children.  Don't wait for the worst to happen.

If a man loves his woman he won't beat on her. Especially her children. I had a step dad that was a real @$$ . I won't go into details but when I was a kid my mama hid the bullets to my deer rifle because I was being a kid and "target" practicing WAY to much. well I didn't know it until one night when they got into it so bad I was prepared to shoot that man in the leg with my 243. I was scrambling around searching all through my room and never found them. The whole time I was praying that he wouldn't die when I pulled the trigger. But as an 11 year old kid I was honest to god prepared to shoot a man in fear for my mother's life. That'ssomething that still sends chills down my spine just thinking of that feeling. I knew in my heart I was going to do it . And that's something no one , expecially a child should ever have to face. People need to get there selves and there kids away before a bad situation takes a turn for the worst. 

 X2 AND AMEN!!

X2

Ms.hogdogger,life to short ,it only get worst.no man has a right to hit a woman,kids dont need be raised around that .pm me i will give you my wife num ,we will help you if you need it.just get out,there is more fish in the sea.best of luck.

I was in an abusive marriage, and unfortunately I always believed him when he "was sorry, it wouldn't happen again."  I wanted to believe him, I stayed, and it kept happening.  I got to the point where I thought I deserved it, and if I was this bad of a person who else would want me.  How was it my fault he lost at that video game??  Or got pulled over?? Or spilled a drink on the floor??  Friends would tell mentions some "things" he was doing behind my back, when I would ask about it, it either ended in him lying to me or abuse, how dare I say ask him those things.  Well, long story short, I caught him with a woman and he proceeded to hurt me and stick a shotgun in my face.  That was the end of it.  Yes, I know it was stupid to stick around through all the pain, physical emotional and mental.  I tried to get a restraining order against him but there wasn't enough "evidence".  If the cops couldn't help me, who could??  I felt stuck and alone.  I was so scared to leave.  If you can help someone in this situation please do it, offer them shelter or anything. I know it's personal, not many people want to get involved in this kind of thing. I never thought for one second I would be weak enough to let this happen to me.  I don't have children, I cant imagine what that would be like to suffer through this with them.   Fortunately I was able to FINALLY overcome my fear and do what I should have done years before, and left, before it literally killed me.  If you can help someone save years of their life, or even their life in general, please offer some kind of support. You have no idea how much that will mean to them, that they aren't the piece of crap they have been made to believe they are, and that someone does actually care for them, and they are worth fighting for.

I had a step dad in my child hood that was pretty ruff on me and my momma he was whoopin on her when i was a young teenager and id finally had all i could take and stood up to that prick and ended up beat the crap out of him and we got the heck out there and she finally found a man that treats her like a queen like any man would treat his wife. Lady just like alot these folks said get the heck out there dont do that to your kids and thats coming from somebody that was one of those kids. And like alot of theses people have said il sure come help you get outa there im not a rich or tuff man but i bet i can get you outa there and in a safe place and help you get back on your feet.

Years ago as a joke I gave my first wife a hicky on her eye lid. We wouldn't you know it there was a death in the family and I left my duty station to go to the funeral.  I didnt think anything of it cuz im a prankster.  Well when I walked in my grandmother house in Conroe my dad took one look at her then looked at me with a face of pure hate. Ive never seen a Mexican move so fast after me. I did the natural thing and RAN!! The hole time I was yelling "its a hicky....I was joking"...my mom and dad started laughing.  One of there friends in high school did the same thing. Its where I got the idea. I was rased not to bully any body. Man, woman or child. Sad truth is it will ALWAYS be there. Moreover man get the majority of it from the women in there lives. Its hard to leave when you're dependent or kids involved share stuff together. ..

Many of the relationships Ive been in, Ive realized later that my subconscious picked them and that I wasnt really doing the picking. If you are a healthy human being in mind, emotion and spirit and you are in an abusive relationship and someone isnt treating you right, YOU GET OUT! if you are staying with someone thats abusive to you and your children then you are need help because you arent making sound decisions. I was with a woman who had two kids for a while, about four years, her son was one when we got together, her daughter was 5. Man I loved those kids, so much that I feared If we ever had our own child that I might not love it as much, for that period of time I raised those kids as my own and treated that woman like gold. After a couple years I realized she was not a faithfull woman and that she could lie to your face like it was the truth and that maybe she didnt have a conscious or care about who she hurt as long as she could do whatever she wanted, I tried to work it out with her more than a few times, mostly because I loved those kids so much. I always used to call her a deuchebag in my mind, and it took me a few years to realize that I was the duechbag and that anytime you are letting another person get away with not treating you right you are the one at fault and that you are being duechey to yourself and that when you blame it on the other person you are dissempowering yourself in the worst way. When you put the blame on yourself then you can do something about it, you can say No! Or Im outa here! you can make a choice to end it, to remove yourself from that unhealthy situation, because its your responsibility to set your boundaries, not his. When you blame the other person you are stuck waiting and hoping for them to change, and guess what...... they arent going to..... or else they already would have. they are too mentally and spiritually ill and lack the emotional intelligence to see the harm they are causing and choose a better way. I wont say its because they dont love you, they just dont know how to manage a healthy relationship and probably dont desire one. They are most likely driven by their subconscious and the abuse they have suffered and are stuck "acting out" in their own life the same scenarios that caused them to be that way in the first place. and possibly anyone who would choose to stay with a person who would treat them poorly is doing the same, they are trying to replay scenarios in their past and heal wounds caused by abusive relationships from the past, usually a father or a mother. And like a broken record the cycle of abuse goes on. I dont know how much of this is helpful, I do know that I speak from experience and that I have been in many relationships like this before I realized what I was doing and started making different choices, the hard choices.... like leaving someone you are still in love with because they dont treat you right and dont know how. That woman I was with tried to get back together with me for 5 years, we did get back together a couple times but she just couldnt be faithful, her dad was the same way. Men are dime a dozen theres always a better prospect out there and youre going to cull quite few before you find a keeper, the woman who the original post is about needs to treat em like a hog dog, you all know how we cull around here!!! You cant put up with no bs when picking your mate, life is too short and those kids are getting imprinted with That number 2e. My advice is read some books on personal boundary function, and your life will get a lot better. I have plenty more to say on this subject but I try to keep them short (:

That is great advice...

First of all, thank you everyone! My kids and I left Monday with very little in our car and in our pockets. We are in a hotel and tonight is the last night that I can afford. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring. Please keep us in your prayers.

Well you did the right thing, i don't know details as its none of my business,  but maybe you should consider not being in contact with the ex. Do you not have any family you could stay with? Or ask for help?

You would think that family would help but only if you knew my family, you would understand. An example, my oldest brother past away last Oct, my other siblings didn't want to give him any type of services. My parents who live on a very fixed income had to beg for a memorial services for him. We don't get together for any holidays. It is very sad!

Sorry to hear that , are you in texas? I know here in Ga, there are lots of places that offer help to family's in need,

Not sure where you are at but I am sure there is a support shelter in the nearest city to take you in and get you started again. Please do what it takes to get your kids out of this. There are people who will help.

The only shelter here closed down a year ago. My kids still have school the next two weeks so I am trying to stay close until they finish the year. We are in a cheap hotel and if we can figure it out until Friday then we will be ok.

Good luck to you, hope you can hang in there!

Where are you at? I'm not rich but I would be willing to pay for a night at that hotel for you and your kids to be safe. Nothing gets under my skin more then a piece of trash that is abusive to his wife and children. Whatever you have to do don't go back because of financial issues.

X2 I'd be willing to pay for another night, if i could pay it straight to the hotel .

Thank you. I have no problem giving my info and the hotels in a private message.

What state are you in MsHogdogger?

Texas

Sorry for your struggles but you're doing the right thing. I am in Florida a bit far for any help but I wish you the best of luck and stay strong for your children and yourself.

Is there a la quinta inn near you? If so, ill donate a couple nights for yaw from my rewards points.