My IT guy is good, possibly the best so I'm letting him handle it.
He said he'd work on it some time today so I just handed him the phone, as it's no good to me in it's current state. :'(
It has never been updated, or plugged into my pc, so that's my fault.
If all else fails (not yet) I'll send out a huge email to all my pc addresses for yall to start texting me you names, that way I can start from scratch.
Reguardless, I will now devote an hour every friday to backup/update, whatever, so that this doesn't happen again.