Just my opinion but if you are working to become what you want to be then there is no reason you shouldn't be allowed or ashamed to be in church. Being a hypocrit is claiming to be what you are not or better than you are. You seem to admit exactly what/where you are but are ashamed that you are not where you want to be. That is different. We all start somewhere. Some start from a tougher situation than others. You might consider studying with someone in person to try and untangle your thoughts.
Makes alot of sense thanks.
