I definitely feel your pain on the getting ugly when you get really mad! I'm the same way, and have to watch myself. That's been a long battle in itself. Prayers sent for you and your family, and I hope everything works out. It's really hard to talk about something when both parties are angry. Give her some time... If you're a strong couple it won't be anything but a speed bump. Just remember to breath when you get mad, and just walk away if you feel the need to get loud!
Good luck Dub!