why does the ER take so damn long to do anything....?
ERs have historically been long waits for those not requiring life threatening care. Having said that, it has gotten worse as ERs are now the refuge of health care for the poor and uninsured. It won't get better in the future.
The best option I know of is the Critical Care facilities. They do not handle classic ER imminent life/death situations. They handle the flu, cuts, broken bones, etc. They are much quicker.