Abuse

[MsHogDogger]

I know this topic is a little off base but how many of you would think it was ok for a grown man to abuse his wife? To call his step children names? To talk about his step kids dad who past away when they were just 10 and 7. How any of you would find this behavior ok? How many of you would think it was ok to a bully your step kids and to threaten to hurt the step kids? To destroy the kids stuff, the house? I am just curious what real men think about a piece of crap of a man!

[Reuben]

it is a vicious cycle that tends to repeat itself and needs to be broken...it has to stop...either get help or get your kids and yourself out of the situation...

a person can't be helped if they don't want to be helped or if they won't admit they have a problem...

[S_J_KENNELS]

I can't stand a man who does this. Women are getting just as bad now if not worse at times. I've told my nephews and own son if I ever so much as hear of them hitting or abusing a woman they better leave the county as when I find them it will not be pretty.

[Reuben]

either get help or get your kids and yourself out of the situation...

When I wrote this it was a generalization...not meaning you but whomever is in a situation as this...

I tend to be more of a root cause fix kind of person...I develop my opinions and theories based on what I have lived, seen or learned from readings and whatnots...my favorite subjects are dogs and hunting, psychology and natural cures/medicines...so I have plenty to say about this subject...

IMO, sometimes a woman is attracted to a man for different reasons and one is because in her subconscious mind she is comfortable with him and vice versa for the man...so after a while the tendencies come out good and bad...sometimes they are beyond tolerable...

raising kids can be very stressful for many reasons...especially in blended families where there are step children and parents involved...our system is set to put a lot of emphasis on learning math and other subjects but none on how to raise a family...but I reckon it creates quite a bit of big business by having a high percentage of dysfunctional families...the judicial system profits...the prosecuting/defense lawyers including divorce lawyers are making a killing to include law enforcement because of it etc...etc...not only that but lots of kids from this upbringing won't get a decent education...so this ensures we will have laborers to do our dirty work...

so it is hard enough for biological parents in raising the kids...so it is way more challenging in raising step children especially if they already come from a dysfunctional past...but there is no excuse in not treating the step children fairly and right...

the parents also can come into the relationship with their own personal issues as well...so this concoction is definitely a recipe for many challenges as well...getting the right professional help can only make things better...

S_J_Kennels is right...there is never a good enough reason to abuse a woman, and I will add kid or anyone for that matter...even if the man was beaten and humiliated as a kid by his mom or dad...it is not an excuse to be abusive because of it...lots of times a man might want to change and can try hard to do so but usually can not do it alone without the proper help whether it is long term therapy or even jail time...

I like to say that God created Grandparents to help the grandkids where we failed our children...and give helpful advice to our children as well...I will only give helpful advice to help our kids whether it is marriage or whatever...and I also try to give them pointers on how to build a better foundation for their children...my grandchildren...

I sure as heck am not perfect...but my goal is to always continue in that direction...

once a man that used to be active on this site whom was getting close to retirement wrote this on here... "I am starting to like the man I have become"...hopefully we as men and women can say that as we age...this world would be a better place if we could learn this before getting married and/or having children...

 

[Amokabs]

Raising step kids is a difficult situation, can be very rewarding, but you are the stepdad, kids may love you more than their real dad, may not, but a man has to adapt to the situation  . Also the dynamic of being married to a woman with children not sired by u can be a complication between u and your wife. No man has a reason to abuse children as Mrs La described or a woman.  But the wife needs to get them kids outta that situation real quick and in a hurry. For their sake and hers. And don't forget, those kids are learning behaviors, behaviors that ain't gonna be good for the boys as they grow up and get married or the girls who , as stated, may find themselves married to the same type of "man" bad situation for all involved, it sounds like ,Mrs. La,, I hope she is getting some help

[charles]

i may not fit into the "most" children category, may consider myself one of the lucky ones. my dad raised me from the age of around 2, never knew my mom, last time i spoke with her (until i was around 23-24) i think i was 5 or 6. my step mom was the only "MOM" i knew, who treated me as her own and disciplined me as 1 of her own, even though it wasn't till i was 16 when she became my legal by marriage step mom, even between the yrs she was married to someone else and when he passed away and my dad and her got back together again. i grew up 3/4" plywood thickness from dirt floor poor, lived off the land, my dad working what he could find to pay the land note and utilities, and put a few stitches of clothing on my back. looking back on that, and not ever wanting to go back to that, i have taken it upon myself to better myself, even though college aint my thing, I'm using my college money (go bill) to learn a new tradecraft, so i don't have to wrench on aircraft till I'm 65, instead, be the stick wiggler and break them instead.

i grew up with tough love as my dad called, but in todays society, it would be considered child abuse and my dad would be under the jail, not just in it. yea yea, so i was put through a wall several times, woke up from an unconscious state several times, went to school, barely able to sit down bc of the whelps on my thighs and butt, but looking back, if my mouth would have stayed closed, my ears opens and my attitude, more of young child, i would have received less redirection from his foot. in fact, if i would received more of them, i might have turned out 10X better than i am now.

what people call abuse nowadays, was standard attitude adjustments many years ago. verbal abuse can and in some instances, be worse than physical abuse, but who determines the extent of what is considered abuse? in the military, drill instructors would call a recruit everything int he book, and make a few more just for good measures, and if need be, a lil "wall to wall" counseling might be in order. look at what that produced for soldiers, men who knew what discipline was, and didn't take crap off anybody and got the job done without being told more than once. nowadays soldiers are in charge of the units, not the sergant and officers, because the chain of command's hands have been tied by congress and the joes run amuck, same thing i see in the civilian sector, a bunch of hoodlums running wild, because society deems sparing the rod doesn't spoil the child, coddling and pampering makes a better and more disciplined man nowadays.

when i came to work here in the nw, so many times i got asked where i learned my respectfulness and discipline, and i would explain how i grew up and some would say that my dad should have been turned in to child services. i would respond back, "would you rather hear yes mam/sir, no mam/sir and have the task done right the first time, not having to be told more than once, or going back and redoing it over and over till it is done right", they would walk away scratching their heads and come back later and admit that for a work force, such as the field I'm in, needs more folks like me, not the kind that running around outside of the hanger. in aviation, seldom do pilots/mech get a sec chance at life if the aircraft crashes due to piss poor, shady or lazy maintenance practices and techniques. i woe all that to my dad, who at times back then, possibly went to far with his foot, but in 13yrs, not a single acft has went down or workmanship failed because of that. 

now, for abusing women, no it shouldn't happen, but women should be held to the same standards as a man since they want to be treated like a man in todays society. they want equal rights, but only have to put out have the workload. where is that equal? where is it ok for to be abused by a woman, verbally or physically and have to sit back and take it because if equality is whats wanted and granted to them, then so should the backfire from their actions. a woman pushes a man's buttons and keeps pushing, but its ok, but turn the table, and the man usually ends up with a hand print across the face. where is that equality? if a woman is man enough to him a man, they are man enough to receive the same serving.

now, for husband/man to come home, or wife/woman to come home from work and start getting abused, NO, no call for it, and should NOT be tolerated, from either sex. we ALL have our bad days/moments, and yes we ALL lash out at times, but restraint is needed by both sexes to prevent abuse from either sex. but lets look at 150yrs ago, woman stayed home, did the house tending and man was the bread winner. nowadays, sometimes it takes both to keep the household going, but things were a lot simpler back then. the equal rights movement open a whole new door in inequality for the men. men do 2x the work load, and get the same as a woman who does half. where is the equality? women are more skilled in some areas of the workforce than men are, but who did those jobs before? men. was as effective? it must have, since for 1000s of years the world population grew, technology developed and or improved. all with men running the world. the men have loosened the reins and handed them over to the women, and the world in whole in the past 75-85yrs has taken a turn for the worse.

we all have our opinions, and I'm sure I'm gonna get some backlash from this, but I'm taking some of my views directly from the bible, other views, i have seen/experienced over the years and reading and watching the history of the world and civilizations. 

[Georgia-Hawgs]

I am with a woman who has 3 kids. 2 girls ages 15 and 13 and a boy aka my road dog Bailey aka "beetle" as I call him. Lol...I have been with this woman for 6 years. I'm 27 and sshe's 38. The kids all know and love there daddy and I'm glad of it and would never try to take his place. . We don't see eye to eye on alot of things but all in all he's an okay guy. I love all 3 of these kids as they were my own. (I don't have children) I am a firm believer in an @$$ whooping and some strong verbal correction. Now I will say this . There is a difference between abuse and getting that hind end tore up. All these years I have only gave one of the kids a "whooping" . I caught her smoking with some older boys and they all heard what I though and wwhat would happen if they didn't ease on down the road. That was going to be the end of it until the m f-er you aain't my daddy and you don't tell me what I can and can't do came from that 14 year Olds mouth. She got a good one. I made her call her dad and tell him about it. He said you'll be lucky if it don't happen again when you get home.  Now. As far as abusing the kids and abusing the women. That won't fly around here.  No way no how. And I would never bad talk there dad to them. The only thing close to that I've ever done is when they threaten to call him when we don't agree, I say call him. Your in my house. Your daddy and me don'tdo things the same. And if yo want to call the law then call them as well. NNothing I do is illegal.  Anyway. Child abuse and woman beating don't fly in my book. Simple as that. Big difference between abuse and correction though. And I honestly hope that your just asking a question and not involved in that type of situation. If you are then like someone else said get yourself and your childrenaway from it .  Sorry I rambled on in your post. I get a little type happy. Good luck to you !

[CRC]

I say find a tall tree and a short rope! I don't tolerate that crap!

[cantexduck]

Get out of the situation. If you need help , be it money or help packing let me know. No one deserves that. Put the kids well being first.

[Judge peel]

First off you have to know how to act right before you can do so. A lot of people just where never taught how to act in a proper manner and some are just but heads. Every situation is different but most put up with what they think is normal or what they think won't get wors by all means get help or help the person needing help. To many of us say if I would have just .....

[cantexduck]

http://www.easttexashogdoggers.com/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=7633

      I plenty of people in your area if you need any help , legal or back power.

[Reuben]

Charles...I am partially replying to your last post and also to the many posts you have written on this site...at the beginning you alarmed me to your radical views and thought that you were a very bad person...LOL...but as I got to know more about you I totally changed my mind and I think you are a great person...I also believe you wear a shield that you acquired somewhere along the way as a survival tool...you choose to look at the glass as 1/2 full and not as half empty...many folks would have been very angry with the upbringing you had but you used it as a positive in your life which is probably a good thing...you probably take your pills due to your upbringing and maybe other reasons as well...but as I already mentioned...somehow you have used it to motivate you to excel like you have been doing...I also know you are a pretty smart feller by what you have posted in the past... 

[Georgia-Hawgs]

Awwwe...haha. Just kiddin. It does take a strong minded person to turn the negative into a positive. Keep on rockin Mr helicopter man !!!

[charles]

Charles...I am partially replying to your last post and also to the many posts you have written on this site...at the beginning you alarmed me to your radical views and thought that you were a very bad person...LOL...but as I got to know more about you I totally changed my mind and I think you are a great person...I also believe you wear a shield that you acquired somewhere along the way as a survival tool...you choose to look at the glass as 1/2 full and not as half empty...many folks would have been very angry with the upbringing you had but you used it as a positive in your life which is probably a good thing...you probably take your pills due to your upbringing and maybe other reasons as well...but as I already mentioned...somehow you have used it to motivate you to excel like you have been doing...I also know you are a pretty smart feller by what you have posted in the past... 

actually i stopped taking my pills because they make me lightheaded and dizzy if i go from a laying or sitting position, to a standing.
yes, i come off strong so to speak, but thats the way i was raised, speak your mind, even if it offends at first, if they have any sense at all, they can digest the info and actually put it into words they can understand. i don't have a filter on my mouth, which has proved painful at times growing up and in the workforce, but again, i speak my peace, i say whats on my mind. yes, i am a pessimist, and learned that, if a person always look at the positive in any or everything, and sees more negatives than positives, then the person will lean towards the negative side of life. but yet a person who looks at the negatives constantly and sees the positives, it provides a glimmer of light/hope in life, instead of the glimmer gloom the constant optimist sees.

[MrsLouisianaHogDog]

To the OP:
Do everything you can to leave. If not for yourself,  for your children.  Don't wait for the worst to happen.

[Georgia-Hawgs]

If a man loves his woman he won't beat on her. Especially her children. I had a step dad that was a real @$$ . I won't go into details but when I was a kid my mama hid the bullets to my deer rifle because I was being a kid and "target" practicing WAY to much. well I didn't know it until one night when they got into it so bad I was prepared to shoot that man in the leg with my 243. I was scrambling around searching all through my room and never found them. The whole time I was praying that he wouldn't die when I pulled the trigger. But as an 11 year old kid I was honest to god prepared to shoot a man in fear for my mother's life. That'ssomething that still sends chills down my spine just thinking of that feeling. I knew in my heart I was going to do it . And that's something no one , expecially a child should ever have to face. People need to get there selves and there kids away before a bad situation takes a turn for the worst. 

[alphabravo]

Raising step kids is a difficult situation, can be very rewarding, but you are the stepdad, kids may love you more than their real dad, may not, but a man has to adapt to the situation  . Also the dynamic of being married to a woman with children not sired by u can be a complication between u and your wife. No man has a reason to abuse children as Mrs La described or a woman.  But the wife needs to get them kids outta that situation real quick and in a hurry. For their sake and hers. And don't forget, those kids are learning behaviors, behaviors that ain't gonna be good for the boys as they grow up and get married or the girls who , as stated, may find themselves married to the same type of "man" bad situation for all involved, it sounds like ,Mrs. La,, I hope she is getting some help

 X2 AND AMEN!!

[alphabravo]

i may not fit into the "most" children category, may consider myself one of the lucky ones. my dad raised me from the age of around 2, never knew my mom, last time i spoke with her (until i was around 23-24) i think i was 5 or 6. my step mom was the only "MOM" i knew, who treated me as her own and disciplined me as 1 of her own, even though it wasn't till i was 16 when she became my legal by marriage step mom, even between the yrs she was married to someone else and when he passed away and my dad and her got back together again. i grew up 3/4" plywood thickness from dirt floor poor, lived off the land, my dad working what he could find to pay the land note and utilities, and put a few stitches of clothing on my back. looking back on that, and not ever wanting to go back to that, i have taken it upon myself to better myself, even though college aint my thing, I'm using my college money (go bill) to learn a new tradecraft, so i don't have to wrench on aircraft till I'm 65, instead, be the stick wiggler and break them instead.

i grew up with tough love as my dad called, but in todays society, it would be considered child abuse and my dad would be under the jail, not just in it. yea yea, so i was put through a wall several times, woke up from an unconscious state several times, went to school, barely able to sit down bc of the whelps on my thighs and butt, but looking back, if my mouth would have stayed closed, my ears opens and my attitude, more of young child, i would have received less redirection from his foot. in fact, if i would received more of them, i might have turned out 10X better than i am now.

what people call abuse nowadays, was standard attitude adjustments many years ago. verbal abuse can and in some instances, be worse than physical abuse, but who determines the extent of what is considered abuse? in the military, drill instructors would call a recruit everything int he book, and make a few more just for good measures, and if need be, a lil "wall to wall" counseling might be in order. look at what that produced for soldiers, men who knew what discipline was, and didn't take crap off anybody and got the job done without being told more than once. nowadays soldiers are in charge of the units, not the sergant and officers, because the chain of command's hands have been tied by congress and the joes run amuck, same thing i see in the civilian sector, a bunch of hoodlums running wild, because society deems sparing the rod doesn't spoil the child, coddling and pampering makes a better and more disciplined man nowadays.

when i came to work here in the nw, so many times i got asked where i learned my respectfulness and discipline, and i would explain how i grew up and some would say that my dad should have been turned in to child services. i would respond back, "would you rather hear yes mam/sir, no mam/sir and have the task done right the first time, not having to be told more than once, or going back and redoing it over and over till it is done right", they would walk away scratching their heads and come back later and admit that for a work force, such as the field I'm in, needs more folks like me, not the kind that running around outside of the hanger. in aviation, seldom do pilots/mech get a sec chance at life if the aircraft crashes due to piss poor, shady or lazy maintenance practices and techniques. i woe all that to my dad, who at times back then, possibly went to far with his foot, but in 13yrs, not a single acft has went down or workmanship failed because of that. 

now, for abusing women, no it shouldn't happen, but women should be held to the same standards as a man since they want to be treated like a man in todays society. they want equal rights, but only have to put out have the workload. where is that equal? where is it ok for to be abused by a woman, verbally or physically and have to sit back and take it because if equality is whats wanted and granted to them, then so should the backfire from their actions. a woman pushes a man's buttons and keeps pushing, but its ok, but turn the table, and the man usually ends up with a hand print across the face. where is that equality? if a woman is man enough to him a man, they are man enough to receive the same serving.

now, for husband/man to come home, or wife/woman to come home from work and start getting abused, NO, no call for it, and should NOT be tolerated, from either sex. we ALL have our bad days/moments, and yes we ALL lash out at times, but restraint is needed by both sexes to prevent abuse from either sex. but lets look at 150yrs ago, woman stayed home, did the house tending and man was the bread winner. nowadays, sometimes it takes both to keep the household going, but things were a lot simpler back then. the equal rights movement open a whole new door in inequality for the men. men do 2x the work load, and get the same as a woman who does half. where is the equality? women are more skilled in some areas of the workforce than men are, but who did those jobs before? men. was as effective? it must have, since for 1000s of years the world population grew, technology developed and or improved. all with men running the world. the men have loosened the reins and handed them over to the women, and the world in whole in the past 75-85yrs has taken a turn for the worse.

we all have our opinions, and I'm sure I'm gonna get some backlash from this, but I'm taking some of my views directly from the bible, other views, i have seen/experienced over the years and reading and watching the history of the world and civilizations. 

X2

[colecross]

Ms.hogdogger,life to short ,it only get worst.no man has a right to hit a woman,kids dont need be raised around that .pm me i will give you my wife num ,we will help you if you need it.just get out,there is more fish in the sea.best of luck.

[CutNShootHD]

I was in an abusive marriage, and unfortunately I always believed him when he "was sorry, it wouldn't happen again."  I wanted to believe him, I stayed, and it kept happening.  I got to the point where I thought I deserved it, and if I was this bad of a person who else would want me.  How was it my fault he lost at that video game??  Or got pulled over?? Or spilled a drink on the floor??  Friends would tell mentions some "things" he was doing behind my back, when I would ask about it, it either ended in him lying to me or abuse, how dare I say ask him those things.  Well, long story short, I caught him with a woman and he proceeded to hurt me and stick a shotgun in my face.  That was the end of it.  Yes, I know it was stupid to stick around through all the pain, physical emotional and mental.  I tried to get a restraining order against him but there wasn't enough "evidence".  If the cops couldn't help me, who could??  I felt stuck and alone.  I was so scared to leave.  If you can help someone in this situation please do it, offer them shelter or anything. I know it's personal, not many people want to get involved in this kind of thing. I never thought for one second I would be weak enough to let this happen to me.  I don't have children, I cant imagine what that would be like to suffer through this with them.   Fortunately I was able to FINALLY overcome my fear and do what I should have done years before, and left, before it literally killed me.  If you can help someone save years of their life, or even their life in general, please offer some kind of support. You have no idea how much that will mean to them, that they aren't the piece of crap they have been made to believe they are, and that someone does actually care for them, and they are worth fighting for.